Grinch: Please steal some of these. Movies Reviewed: The Impossible, Cirque du Soleil Worlds Away, Jack Reacher

Posted in Canada, Circus, Cultural Mining, Disaster, Drama, Movies, Thriller, UK, Uncategorized, US, violence by on December 21, 2012

Hi, this is Daniel Garber at the Movies for and CIUT 89.5 FM, looking at high-brow and low-brow movies, indie, cult, foreign, festival, documentary, genre and mainstream films, helping you see movies with good taste, movies that taste good, and how to tell the difference.

I don’t want to be a Grinch stealing Christmas cheer from moviegoers, but I gotta say, these mainstream December movies are a definite mixed bag. This week I’m looking at a detective action thriller, a disaster melodrama, and … um… a circus.


Dir: Jack Antonio Bayona

Mom and Dad (Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor) are spending Christmas at a luxury hotel on a small, tropical Thai island with their three boys. Then a tsunami strikes, and they’re all separated and swept away. The two teams – headed by mom and dad – don’t know if the others are still alive but they hold out hope as they struggle to survive the odds and reunite. Will they all make it? And will they somehow find each other again on this tiny island?

After some wicked disaster special effects, most of the rest of the lines in the movie consist of Mom? … Mom? Lucas? Where are you? HELP! Is that you Dad? where’s Dad – I think I see him over there!? Henry, where are you Henry…? Plus a series of crowd scenes where they can’t quite find each other, other characters lying in hospital beds going I must… hold on… until I see them again… unnngh, and near misses in bus stations.

OK, a lot of people at TIFF just loved this heartfelt movie, so what do I know? But, to me, this was just a gooey, gluey dreadful lump of treacle. Painful to watch.

Cirque du Soleil Worlds Away Zaripov LinzCirque du Soleil: Worlds Away in 3D

Dir: Andrew Adamson

A pretty young woman (Erika Linz) goes to the county fair and makes eyes with a scruffy carnie roustabout. It turns out he’s also an aerialist with the circus. But when she goes to see him perform, the daring young man (Igor Zaripov) falls off his flying trapeze. She runs into the ring to help him but they both get sucked into a rabbit-hole vortex, and she spends the rest of the movie trying to find him. So much for the plot.

This is sort of a K-Tel medley of all the Cirque du Soleil shows floating around the Las Vegases of the world. The acts range from extremely cool – people climbing around on a swinging, giant boat suspended in midair — to pervy Mongolian contortionists forming weird, soft-core kamasutra-like body formations. The stage suddenly tilts and everyone slides off in a flood of sand… groups of gymnasts form Busby Berkeley square formations in the water… synchronized swimming…flying carousel horses…Cirque du Soleil Worlds Away -contortionists

Most of this movie is completely incomprehensible. Why is a yakuza with Kabuki face makeup brandishing a metal hotpot as he sadistically tortures a chained athlete? I haven’t a clue. And why, why, why are people in top hats swarming in rhythm across the stage to the recorded sounds of Paul McCartney singing Mr Kite? I don’t know. I don’t want to know. Shoot me now.

This movie feels a lot like a classic Broadway musical, but without the singing, dancing, acting… or plot.

Seriously, the whole movie is a non-stop, 3-D IMAX spectacle culminating in periodic, orgasmic fountain bursts and fireworks. I guess it’s meant for people who have seen and love the stage acts. They intentionally keep all the wires and cables visible, so you know they’re really doing these tricks – no special effects. And they’ve added faint canned applause between acts, along with a multi-bowed curtain call at the end, so the movie theatre audience can know exactly when to spring to their feet and cheer at the screen. I just don’t get it.

It sounds like I hated it – I didn’t. It’s got lots of watchable eye-candy. It just didn’t do it for me.

Jack Reacher Rosamund Pike Tom CruiseJack Reacher

Dir: Christopher McQuarrie

Jack Reacher is a hobo. He drifts, aimlessly, across America with just the shirt on his back. He’s cold, emotionless, and physically indestructible. So what’s he doing in Pittsburg? He’s there to right a wrong.

You see, he used to be in the army where he was a police detective who always caught his suspects by use of his perfect memory, dogged persistence, and attention to minute details. And some crazed army sniper he remembers from his time in Iraq is in the news now: he shot some random strangers.

But he is hired by the defense attorney (!) an equally stubborn young lawyer to investigate the case. Did he really do it, and why? Or could this be another “grassy knoll” conspiracy? It’s up to Jack to connect the dots, fight the shady figures conspiring behind the scenes – a cyborg-like killer (Jai Courtney), a shady, Siberian cipher, a hidden mole – physically fend off the thugs hired to stop him, and protect and save the Zatoichi Monogatariinnocent.

Okay, I read the whole airport paperback series, all 16 of ‘em. (Jack Reacher’s like another unofficial detective, Zatoichi, the Japanese blind swordsman, who travels from town to town not looking for trouble, but always ending up in the middle of it, and always beating the bad guys.) The books are interesting, violent mystery-thrillers about this super-hero-like character who is physically huge, 6’6” –Jack Reacher Jai Courtney– an intimidating, Schwartzeneggar- type. And I wanted to see how badly Tom Cruise (at least a foot shorter with a squeaky, high-pitched voice) would blow it.

But he didn’t blow it — he pulled it off. The movie is good, interesting and suspenseful, with excellent car chases, shoot-outs, and some not-bad fistfights. I could do without the weird scene of Tom Cruise taking his shirt off and posing for the camera, and an insipid segment with him punching out five guys in an alley, but other than that, it works.

The international supporting cast – Brits Rosamund Pike as the lawyer, David Oyelowo as the cop, Aussie Jai Courtney who is terrific as the psychopathic killer, and even Werner Herzog! — were all fantastic.

The question is, what’s with all these nutbars and their gun culture? And will people want to see a violent Jack Reacher Tom Cruise with Riflemovie about a random sniper just a week after the terrible killings in Newtown, Connecticut? We’ll soon find out.

The Impossible, Jack Reacher, and Cirque Du Soleil: Worlds Away all open today. Check your local listings. Also opening today is the great French drama Rust and Bone – don’t miss it.

This is Daniel Garber at the Movies, each Friday morning on CIUT 89.5 FM and on my website, .

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