Hi, this is Daniel Garber at the Movies for culturalmining.com and CIUT 89.5 FM.

What’s a blockbuster? Apparently they were named after the American bombs in WWII that were so powerful they could flatten a city block. And as winter holidays approach, the big studios are releasing potential blockbusters; real movies not just Disney, Marvel and Star Wars drivel. Two new movies, Wicked and Gladiator II, open this weekend perhaps in an attempt to duplicate the way Barbie and Oppenheimer drew crowds into theatres. If they’re both hits, I wonder what people will call them? Wick-iator? Gladwick? Who knows? (Since recording, “Glicked” has become the word of choice.) This week I’m looking at those two big-budget Hollywood films: swords and sandals in ancient Rome and songs and dances in the land of Oz. But before that, for something completely different, a low-budget horror comedy about Toronto toilets.

Scared Shitless

Dir: Vivieno Caldinelli

Sonny (Daniel Doheny) is a depressed college drop out. Since his mom died of an unspecified infection, he’s suffered from a pathological fear of germs. He relentlessly washes his hands after touching almost anything and is always armed with small plastic bottles of Pepto-Bismol to keep himself from being sick. He lives with his dad, Don Donahue (Steven Ogg), the owner and sole employee of Donahue plumbing. Unlike Sonny, Don has no qualms about getting his hands dirty — it’s part of his job. So he decides to take a leap, and bring his germaphobic, OCD son with him on his next assignment. Maybe the shock of plumbing will pull him out of his stupor.

Luckily, it’s an easy one. Old Mrs Applebaum (Marcia Bennett) calls him almost weekly to help with a dripping faucet or a backed up toilet. “I think she just likes the company” he says. Sonny gets the dry heaves from look at a toilet, never mind touching one. But he agrees to do it. Meanwhile, all is not well at the Palmer Estates,  that low-rise 1960s apartment building with questionable plumbing. Turns out, one of the tenants is a mad scientist who has created an apocalyptic monster, which is living within the building’s pipes. (The biologist is played by Kids in the Hall’s Mark McKinney channelling Captain Kangaroo). The beast is shaped like a giant fleshy tadpole, but with four lethal appendages dangling out of its razor sharp gullet, big enough to bite off your head or your nether regions. 

And when blood starts appearing in the toilets, Sonny realizes this is bigger than he thought. He turns to the building’s superintendent to call 911. But Patricia, the super, (Chelsea Clark) who coincidentally was Sonny’s classmate at university, refuses to call. The building belongs to her parents, and she doesn’t like any bad PR. So the two of them — and his Dad — bravely set off to find the trouble before it gets any worse. But are they two late?

Scared Shitless is a crude and funny comedy/horror movie about a monster who lives in your toilet. Since it takes place in an apartment, you get to meet all sorts of weird and kinky characters, like an elderly couple into S&M role play. I think it’s trying more for the funny than the scary, and that’s fine with me. It’s also very much a Toronto movie, with both the main actors and the supporting ones — including perennial horror favourite Julian Richings — are recognizable as locals. Ogg, Doheney and Clark are all fun in their roles, as is the monster, known as Project X. It’s the creation of the legendary Steven Kostanski  who previously brought us Manborg and Psycho Goreman. So if you’re the kind of person who keeps copies of Fangoria hidden under your bed, you will love Scared Shitless. 

Paul Mescal plays Lucius in Gladiator II from Paramount Pictures.

Gladiator II

Dir: Ridley Scott

It’s the early 200s in ancient Rome. Lucius (Paul Mescal) is a gladiator preparing for a fight in the coliseum. But he’s not there for the coins he might win or the chance of buying his freedom in the future. He wants revenge and he wants it now. He’s a slave,  captured after a battle in Numidia where his wife was killed. And he blames Marcus Acacius (Pedro Pascal), a much-admired  general. Lucius was discovered by entrepreneur and kingmaker Macrinus (Denzel Washington) who thought he noticed rage in Lucius face — just what a great fighter needs. But others are interested in Lucius too. The crowds cheer for him, the Senators scheme for him, and the two emperors Geta (Joseph Quinn) and his brother Caracalla (Fred Hechinger) have ideas of their own. But it’s Lucilla (Connie Nielsen) — a major character in the first Gladiator movie — who has personal reasons for him to stay alive. Who is Lucius? Why is he so important? And will he get the revenge he seeks?

Denzel Washington plays Macrinus in Gladiator II from Paramount Pictures.

Gladiator is an epic action drama set within a decadent ancient Rome, complete with senators, citizens plebes, gladiators, slaves and the Pretorian Guard. I have a low bar when it comes to action movies; as long as they have good fights and chase scenes, it’s acceptable. This one has so much more: a compelling plot with unexpected twists, great characters and excellent acting. Paul Mescal plays the driven gladiator as a classic hero on a quest. Denzel Washington is nicely

Pedro Pascal plays General Acacius in Gladiator II from Paramount Pictures.

slippery, and Pedro Pascal is truly majestic as the military hero. The cast is rounded out by Derek Jacobi — who brought ancient Rome to a generation as I,Claudius — and Little Britain’s Matt Lucas as the MC. There are even quotes from Virgil in the dialogue — not your usual action movie fare. Gladiator II is not perfect. There was no romance or love aside from filial piety.  I thought the CGI animals — especially a vicious troupe of man-eating monkeys — was ridiculously fake. And though it harkens back to the sword and sandal flics of the 50s and 60s, Gladiator is no Spartacus, and Ridley Scott ain’t Stanley Kubrick. But Scott still knows how to craft a totally watchable, old-skool Hollywood drama like almost nobody else.

What can I say? I had a great time watching Gladiator II.

Wicked

Dir: Jon M. Chu

It’s the land of Oz. Elphaba (Cynthia Erivo) is a new student at Shiz, an exclusive boarding school like Hogwarts but without much magic.  Her Dad — the governor of Munchkinland — sent her there to take care of Nessarose, her beloved little sister.  Elphaba doesn’t get along with her roommate, the most popular girl in school. Glinda (Ariana Grande) is everything Elphaba is not. She’s a rich, frivolous, self-centred airhead, who cares more about fashion than thinking. She wears pink frocks, and tosses her blond tresses from side to side, to get whatever she wants.  Elphaba is smart, diligent and pure-hearted. She dresses only in black, so as not to draw attention to herself. Why then is Glinda adored and envied, while Elphaba is mocked and feared?

It’s because of her skin colour; as Kermit the Frog said, it’s not easy being green.

But one person does like her: Madame Morrible (Michelle Yeoh). She believes Elphaba possesses magical powers she just needs to keep them under control. If she does, perhaps the kind and benevolent Wizard of Oz (Jeff Goldblum) may even allow her to visit him in the Emerald City. When Glinda hears this, she decides it’s time to kiss and make up. .. and maybe she’ll get to learn some magic, too?

But their relationship is complicated. Glinda is dating a dashing young prince (Jonathan Bailey) who seems more intrigued by the green-faced and moody Elphaba than by her. And Dr. Dillamond, their history teacher, is a goat. Animals once were equal to humans, but not any more. While Glinda is indifferent to their plight, Elphaba thinks the animals must be respected and protected. With all these ideas whirling around Elphaba’s head, what will happen next? Is Glinda her friend or her rival? And will she ever get to meet the Wizard of Oz?

Wicked is a spectacular musical about the origin of a misunderstood young girl who later becomes known as the wicked witch of the West. It’s a whopping 2:45 long, but you wouldn’t know it; it whizzes by at a very fast pace. Even so, it’s only part one of a two-part saga. It’s based on a broadway musical, which was adapted from the novel Wicked by Gregory Maguire , which in turn was a riff on the movie The Wizard of Oz and the L Frank Baum books. Apparently, the musical was a huge hit and has a fanatical following — at my screening there were people in at my screening loudly applauding after every great solo. And I bet they also liked a scene where Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel — who starred in the original stage production — sing a duet, sort of a play within a play.

But I went in an absolute beginner, knowing nothing about it. Didn’t matter.

Wicked is an excellent movie.  It’s all shot on a set, but is cinematic, not theatrical. There’s seamless editing, great acting, and impressive art direction. Dozens of professional dancers twist and leap across the stage.  Cynthia Erivo is a powerful singer whose Elphaba is nicely empathetic.  We can feel her. She’s amazing. Ariana Grande may be a pop star but she shows genuine talent here: a skilled actor with a beautiful voice.

I am not a devotee of Broadway musicals, but I really enjoyed Wicked.

Wicked and Gladiator II open this weekend in Toronto; check your local listings. And Scared Shitless is playing tonight (November 23) at 9:30 pm, as part of B.I.T.S. Canadian horror festival.

This is Daniel Garber at the Movies, each Saturday morning, on CIUT 89.5 FM and on my website culturalmining.com.